Chionophobia: The Aftermath of Magic /P

I figured I'd read this in connection to Ch.

wow. Blew me away. The metaphor of a magician and how we loose things in life really gripped me. This poem beats anything I could write.... Damn it, you're amazing.

I think I like this one more than most of the poetry you write, then again, I forget poems quickly. You have a knack for everything. Poetry, fiction, drawing, science, math. I hate you. But, still, I love and respect you XD Keep it up.

Incandescence wrote:The Problem: you are reading too much into the poem. What I am saying is not beneath the words--it's already on them. The tricks the poem mentions all have this vanishing element to them. Read it less sharply; it may become clearer. (That's not necessarily true; I just like saying it.)

I enjoyed this. It wasn't half so wordy as your usual style, but I found it perfectly acceptable, *far* from nauseating. One of my favorite things you've written in awhile. It's a bold piece that speaks for itself...

(A side note:I probably won't rewrite that piece you critiqued.)

Colleen--


The Problem: you are reading too much into the poem. What I am saying is not beneath the words--it's already on them. The tricks the poem mentions all have this vanishing element to them. Read it less sharply; it may become clearer. (That's not necessarily true; I just like saying it.)


Thanks for maintaining the dialogue,


Kit,


Thanks for your thoughts on this as well. Indeed, "let loose the doves" is a play on "let loose the dogs." Nice catch both on that and the in-between space this piece occupies.


All the best,
Brad

Mm, I disagree with Cadmium, I thought 'genius' worked, and I love your reasoning behind it. I think if you'd put more rigid rhyming it would have seem contrived. It's a little Atwoodesque in that respect, she lets things fall the way they are, as you did also with your last stanza, making it five lines, so it's sort of falls between things, between quatrains and a sonnet. Unless it's some kind of other more obscure poetry form that I've forgotten about, which is likely. For some reason the word 'remember' jars me. I like 'let loose the doves', reference to 'cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war', am I right? So you create irony by approaching something seemingly chaotic and fatalist, yet using the metaphor a dove, a trained, domesticated symbol of peace. I could be talking out of my arse instead of my smartarse but who knows. You probably.

Well, I realize that...never mind, I can't write anything coherent right now.

Lastly: I spoke earlier of the poem's struggle to work like a trick. The crux of this is to be showing things that suddenly appear and then disappear first from view, then from memory, then from the realm of “magic” as the tricks are discovered, and to show this in a surprising way.

I have included many tricks that involve rapid appear/disappear combinations in the poem, which should, of course, demonstrate what I have said.

Colleen,


I had in mind the more appropriate connotation of "chionophobia" (which literally means "fear of snow") with "fear of rigidity"--indeed, this is an alternative definition many sources present. Interpret as you will.

I think you mean the question at the end of the paragraph is a stretch--not the paragraph itself. If not, please let me know. I have included many tricks that involve rapid appear/disappear combinations in the poem, which should, of course, demonstrate what I have said.

The question is speculation for you to consider. It has not escaped some readers.


Best,
Brad

One could also consider "chionophobia" to be "the fear of snow," instead of the novel I am working on. I think it works in a number of ways.

Lastly: I spoke earlier of the poem's struggle to work like a trick. The crux of this is to be showing things that suddenly appear and then disappear first from view, then from memory, then from the realm of “magic” as the tricks are discovered, and to show this in a surprising way. Perhaps the narrator shows how a trick is done, and in doing so, disappears himself?

Sara --


I'm sorry this wasn't a justififiable attempt for you. Experimentation, though, it always got me.


Thanks for taking the time to read and respond,


Colleen,


Part of the slant-rhyme is an attempt to move like a trick. You keep up a pace that's just enough to be lulled into before revealing the switch, the "magic." For that reason, I chose "genius," and I think I will keep that selection in future revisions. It is true, perhaps, "brilliant" may work better, but it's really an issue of the child's mind and how he/she is cognizant of events.

The "remember..." line is problematic for me as well. I like the idea it conveys, but somehow the language is not living up to the meaning. Your revisions suggest a simpler change, and I will consider this in revisions. Thanks!

The poem was inspired by Chionophobia, so yes, in a way, yes. The title should be read, perhaps, as a double entendre: Chionophobia AS The Aftermath of Magic or Chionophobia IS The Aftermath of Magic--whichever you prefer. One could also consider "chionophobia" to be "the fear of snow," instead of the novel I am working on. I think it works in a number of ways.

Lastly: I spoke earlier of the poem's struggle to work like a trick. The crux of this is to be showing things that suddenly appear and then disappear first from view, then from memory, then from the realm of “magic” as the tricks are discovered, and to show this in a surprising way. Perhaps the narrator shows how a trick is done, and in doing so, disappears himself?


Thanks again,
Brad

I liked reading something that doesn't sound like what I've read of Brad's poetry. I think that the poetry in the first person is much more effective than this was, but still.

The things that can fly, fly,
while things that can’t fly flounder.

you are a genius

Remember, magic cannot last.